AMEN

COMING ATTRACTIONS

I kid you not - when Kate Watson-Wallace's latest piece of choreographed bliss sells-out way ahead of this year's Live Arts fest due to it's maximum performance capacity of...three...you'll say I told you so.

BACK TO TUESDAY

So tell the truth - as proud you all were to push the button for change on Tuesday (no, Hillary...I said change with an Obama), Heard in the Hall follows up on the best button practically no one pushed.

Ahhhhhhh...to not "felt" never felt so good.

Image cribbed from Jason Smith

IN A WORLD OF GHASTLY UNCERTAINTIES, THREE CERTAINS, RISK FREE

ONE - this is a movie poster...

...meaning that it accomplishes with one sighting a sudden urge to rewatch the trailer for the Nth time.

TWO - this is a movie trailer...

...meaning that while including key factors such as worthy laughs, prerequisite Apatow-lineage reference, and hip underscore, it somehow manages to ignore the biggest selling point for the worthies - David Gordon Green. Directed. This?

Whoa.

THREE - everything you have heard about Southland Tales is absolutely true. In other words, it's a horribly ambitious affair you owe it to yourself to see. This weekend, I decree that I shall live large like Boxer Santaros, because "I'm a pimp... and pimps don't commit suicide."

That is, after I post this.

SMELLS LIKE THE HUB BALLROOM

It's pretty amazing how relevant Sub Pop has managed to stay some 20 years long, even while their profile has seemingly inverted - as if its legacy of being tethered to the heyday of flannel overshadows it's current lineup, which truth be told, would kick the jam outta '89.

Iron & Wine. No Age. Wolf Parade. Pissed Jeans. Comets on Fire. Flight of the Conchords. Kinda makes the Green River reunion a silly formality.

Ridiculously for some, a Seaweed reunion scores way high in my playbook. There's only a few bands whose sound instantaneously transports me back to the halycon days of my own private yesteryear, when I played out the one-two punch of Weak and Four, and a band could actually ape a Soul Asylum video and no one would miss the obvious reference point.

Damn. I feel old...like the singles club. But how I love me some YouTube comments:

alloutrocker92: Im not usually into old school skater music, but this band KICKS ASS. I saw this video on beavis and butthead then searched it on youtube, and found this. It's still awesome. Everytime I watch it, it makes me want to steal a bike.

Exactly.

THE STUNNING, ALL-TOO PURE DEFINITION OF MEANTIME

I promised a homeless man on South Street tonight that someday, I'd return to the inkwell and pen something meaningful, moving and momentous. In the meantime, I'm simply much too content to don my tux and find new ways to make white people gasp.

CHANNEL NEVERFAILS

My kind of science.

CHANNEL NEVERFAILS

CHANNEL NEVERFAILS

And to thnk, when we concocted Love Gravy - a torrid romance between an embattled president and a Perdue oven stuffer named Camilla - the lead didn't even look like Bill Clinton.

OUR GOVERNOR, FUCKHEAD THAT HE IS

The wafting smells of desperation off the hairy backsides of the party liners - pungent.

CHANNEL NEVERFAILS

NEW SEASON, NEW STADIUM, MORE BOOS...PLAY BALL!

SUNDAY CERTAINTIES

In a time of unlimited uncertainties, isn't it nice to know what Mickey Melchiondo will be simmering while watching that last Phillies exhibition game of the season...unspoken code be damned!

For the record, Das Empra has taken the time to reconstruct the recipe in his Boston-based kitchen. Final analysis - "greasy goodness".

A LETTER FROM THE HAMMER TO HER LADIES

I need to confide something personal. Your Wook has an eating disorder.

For the past year, I thought it was just that I was pregnant and eating all the time that my love was packing on the pounds in an effort to keep up with me. Nope. He still eats like there might be a famine tomorrow.

Then I thought he was just addicted to Dunkin Donuts.  He would drive all the way up to 9th and Girard (about 10-15 minutes out of his way) to get a fix without getting out the car. Then I started finding other fast food bags stuffed under the car seat.

But last Wednesday I made the diagnosis official.  He made dinner - left over roast pork from Easter and asparagus (no other sides).  Anyway, we each had a plate of food.  I went into the kitchen to clean up and saw that there were still two small pieces.  Now this pork was already 3 days old and it wasn't all that good the first time.  I asked him if he wanted it and he didn't respond, so I looked over at the dog who was drooling all over the place and decided to give it to him.

Just then, The Wook walked into the kitchen, asked me what I had done and walked over and took the pieces of pork out the dog bowl.  No kidding.  The dog looked stunned and I lacked any expression at all.

Four days later, I still can't believe it.  He said that he was starving and that Miles always keeps his bowl clean, but seriously the dude has a problem.

Happy weekends to you all.

Sincerely,
The Hammer

CHANNEL NEVERFAILS

Fuck the pyramids. Do you know how long it took someone to meticulate this?!?

THE MORNING STROLL: OCCUPANY REQUESTS NOW OUTNUMBER TREES ON SOUTH STREET 7-to-1

I haven't manuevered around South Street in a week, and oh what a week it looks to have been. Construction crews are in full effect from 8th Street right on up into Paddy Whack's craw, and from the looks of things, a general re-allocation of sidewalk space hath deemed trees obsolete.

Chainsaws buzz, shavings fly, and suddenly the TLA...er...Fillmore looks totally bare, the shade that once fell on tens of emo kids but a thing of the past. And across the street, the gum laden tree outside Ishkabibble's weeps...it's next.

Man, like this street is totally gonna be rejuvenated just in time for them casinogoers, eh?